Will Edward is a dating coach who teaches men how to attract and seduce women. He is an expert at dancefloor game. Sign up for updates at willedward.com and you can follow Will on Twitter and FaceBook.
Learning how to flirt and attract women has made me a better person. I can connect with people more deeply and help them. I can navigate social situations and communicate better on a personal and business level.
Knowing how to flirt and socialize has helped me understand people on a deeper emotional level and care about their needs and allowing them to help with mine.
I can provide value, whether it is emotional, professional, social, etc. because I can quickly figure out how they feel and help them fulfill their desires and wants.
I genuinely care how other people feel and want them to feel better than how I met them.
Ironically, this was not the main reason I learned the art of flirting and attracting women. I just wanted to get laid, a lot. I have learned the skill to achieve that, but I have also gained so much more.
I had an unhealthy mindset growing up. I tried getting what I wanted out of life without caring too much for others. I wasn’t too concerned how others could benefit. I was a value seeker, a value vampire.
How was I sucking value from others? I was taking and not giving back value in many cases. Sometimes I broke promises because there weren’t any noticeable consequences. It was sleazy and not something I’m proud of.
I did whatever I needed to do to get what I wanted while reducing the chances of me being “caught”, punished or beaten up. Just for the record, I wasn’t a douchebag or reckless lawbreaker, and I didn’t wish harm on others.
I was actually considered a “nice” and shy kid growing up. I was just socially clueless. Who knows? I might have had (or still have) Aspergers, although I was never diagnosed with that.
Giving Value To Others
I didn’t realize that I could provide value to others while also receiving value. There’s plenty of value to go around, and we can all benefit from each other.
Richard Dawkins said that many situations in life are a nonzero sum game. Life isn’t like the stock market or a sports game. Somebody doesn’t have to lose for the other to win.
Most situations can be set up as a win-win for everybody.
I was getting better at understanding other’s needs as I got older but didn’t know how much value I could provide value until I started learning about pickup. Like I said, I didn’t get into it for ethical reasons or give value to others.
I just wanted to have the ability to have sex with any girl I want. That in itself sounds value seeking, but you learn to, “give up” that goal and become “outcome independent”. You’re emotions don’t depend on achieving your goal.
You just give value, and you start receiving value back. That could end up being a same-night-lay or one-night-stand, invitations to parties, expansion of your social circle, or new business relationships, etc.
There are methods and techniques to help achieve those goals, but the underlying principle that allows this to happen much more easily and quickly is to provide value unconditionally.
The first things I learned was that I needed to talk to everybody. I had to be that social guy that just gave value freely without judgment. Usually, I would have just gone up to the first girl I wanted to sleep with and just ignored her friends.
I didn’t acknowledge her friends or other people in bars or clubs. Once I knew I had to be more social, I conditioned myself to talk to other guys and girls I wasn’t necessarily attracted to.
Talking to everybody made me more social and allowed me to become more present and not stay in my head and freeze up.
Are People Selfish?
I used to think that most people were selfish and only cared about themselves or close friends. I figured they were jerks and ignored people they didn’t know.
I built up a lot of anger towards people that seemed outgoing because they reminded me of some of the “popular” kids in school who picked on me.
I moved around a lot, and I didn’t have great social skills. I was a social outcast for most of my school years. I was bullied by some of the “cool” and “popular” kids, so I had a lot of negative feelings towards them.
I saw how kind and interesting other people were as I started talking with them. I was getting along with the people that reminded me of the popular crowd.
They were people like that popular jock who was always surrounded by all the hot girls, or the super charismatic guy who shared cool stories and was the center of attention. I was hanging out with them like we were equals.
I finally felt like I was “in” and part of the “cool” crowd. I was even getting the hot girls’ attention and having them want to talk to me over the jock or “that guy” who was usually in the spotlight. I started to become “that guy.”
It was so awesome, and I didn’t know how to handle it at first. I wasn’t used to it, and sometimes I’m still getting used to it when I get into more crazy and exciting situations.
I didn’t have my first “serious” girlfriend until I was in college. By serious, I mean dating for more than a couple months. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was in college either.
Going from that shy kid who got bullied a lot in school and just stayed at home playing video games on the weekends, to the guy that could take over a room and take a girl home that same night, was an entirely new and different experience.
That’s not even the best part. I just feel more fulfilled and have more clarity and focus in my life. Not being able to attract and seduce women was a huge missing part of my life.
Not having a girl was in the back of mind and for the longest time. Soon I just accepted the fact that having a girlfriend might not be for me. I tried distracting myself by playing video games or doing some other mindless activity.
One thing I had going for me was that I did well in school and got a well-paying job after graduation, but I soon found out that even that wasn’t something I wanted…
Being True To Yourself
Once I started getting good at game and picking up girls, I started going after the things I wanted out of life more often. I wasn’t hesitating or doubting myself as much. I was taking more action and more risks.
I had developed a lot of confidence in my social and seduction skills, which helped transfer over in other parts of my life. It gave me the courage that I could accomplish pretty much anything.
The road to mastery in one area of life can carry over to other areas in your life. I started going after my dreams and passions.
I knew that I had the ability to get anything out of life because I could positively influence and persuade people. Flirting and knowing social dynamics can be used in any anywhere that involves communication.
Whenever I go to any interaction, I’m able to provide good emotions (value) to others, and they are more willing to help me out and give value back.
For example, when I go to a restaurant, I will flirt with the female waitress. I might compliment her, or joke around or qualify her and have a genuine conversation.
Most people will just order their food and not bother talking to her. She is more likely to help me get what I want and visit me more often, to ask me how the food is and do her best to fix anything that may be wrong.
Of course, I’ll give her a good tip afterward and the next time she sees me, she will remember me and that will give me social proof, which will help when I bring friends or a date over. I may also try to set up a time to see her after work.
Another example can be during a negotiation or sales call. You’ll be able to confidently communicate your needs efficiently and find out the other person’s needs. Your strong frame will allow you to reach a mutual benefit.
Finding Your Purpose
What’s even better once you start being authentic and true to yourself and going after what you want, you’ll be able to follow your life purpose and feel more fulfilled.
I found out that the corporate job I got after college wasn’t what I wanted. I went to college because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and my family said that I should get a degree and a stable job. They had the best intentions.
But once I started doing it, I didn’t have the passion and drive to continue with it. I didn’t like the idea of trading my time for a salary. I wanted more freedom and accomplish more for myself.
I found my calling and started working for myself on something that I enjoyed doing. I have much more motivation and passion for what I’m doing now, which is marketing and teaching other guys on how to attract and seduce women.
There is nothing more satisfying than actually going out, socializing and helping others develop the skills to get this part of their lives handled. It’s so much fun, and it creates such an adrenaline rush.
I can reach out to a lot of people and have an impact and create valuable content. What’s also great is that marketing, psychology, and social dynamics are closely related so becoming better at one helps me get better at the others.
I’m very curious and always learning on how I can improve my game and business. I have complete freedom to what I want to pursue and can set my schedule on goals and tasks to complete.
It’s one of the most liberating and rewarding feelings.
Understanding And Connecting With Others
Understanding social dynamics has helped me get along better with my family and friends as well. I’m much more sensitive to other people’s feelings. I don’t get into long winded arguments or many arguments at all.
Some of my family members or friends would try to tell me what I should be doing with my life, or there might be some misunderstandings, and we would get into an unnecessary conflict.
Sub-communication is a critical part of all interactions. Most of our communications are non-verbal, so conveying your thoughts, ideas and feelings in the right way with your voice, body language or facial expressions is essential.
Almost every argument or heated interaction can be avoided by communicating effectively. Whenever there is a misunderstanding of thoughts or emotions, it’s usually due to poor communication.
We all are entitled to our opinions and judging other’s by having a different view is not beneficial. People usually won’t impose their views or beliefs on you as long as you remain calm and listen without judgment.
They will see you’re not a threat to their beliefs, so they don’t have to prove themselves to you. You can also reframe it as them having good intentions in trying to help you, so you also don’t get defensive, but be open-minded.
Who knows? Maybe they do have some words of wisdom that you can listen without a distorted view. You can decide for yourself whether you want to take action on their advice or use it for inspiration or guidance later.
It’s funny how I used to be a shy kid that was just trying to get laid with as many hot girls as possible. Learning how to flirt and attract has helped me become a more well-rounded and better person.
I’m able to understand and connect with people on a real level. Instead of being politically correct and talk politely, I can have a real conversation where we both share information about each other that only close friends would do.
Everybody has some value that they can offer, and you can find out their motivations and see how you can benefit each other. You’ll develop the confidence to influence other people by developing your social skills.
You’ll get proof that you can get what you want out of life when people start wanting to help you. Start becoming a better person and learn how to flirt and communicate with people.