There are many common mistakes guys make when trying to court a woman.
One in particular is: we tend to actively lend a listening-ear to women when they vent about their love life, an ex-boyfriend or their current relationship problems.
On the surface, this may seem a cogent idea: “If I only listen to her boyfriend issues, she’ll reward me with some pussy, or even dump him for me”.
That however, rarely ever pans out accordingly.
What guys fail to realize is that women are very opportunistic and calculating when it comes to issues of the heart.
Everything for her is a stratagem.
The guy who listens to her relationship issues and lends her a shoulder in which to lean and cry on, has a designated role…and that is to become her emotional tampon and nothing short or long of it.
Women are very strategic and precise on the roles in which they have certain guys play in their lives.
For instance: if a girl friendzones a guy, she will NEVER fuck that guy.
He has been relegated to the friends only basket, which means that he is no longer a sexual item in her eyes.
Likewise with guys who put themselves out there as the consoling gentlemen for damsels in distress; they are basically relegated to that role and that role only (her emotional tampon). And women for the most part do not sleep with guys whom they designate for the specific purpose of consoling them when their hearts are broken.
Ironically, the guys whom women run to and phone up whenever their boyfriend treats them like trash, are generally in the friendzone to begin with.
One of the subtle signs that you’ve been friendzoned or about to be friendzoned, is when the girl runs to you (via calls, text, etc) to vent about her BF and relationship issues.
A friend should be there for her, right?
Either she has already friendzoned you or is testing the waters to see how pliable you are, and how willing you are to yield and bend.
Case in point: about a month ago, I picked up a girl while running some street approaches. Due to her travels, we weren’t able to meet up as yet.
Over the past week and a half, she’s been hitting me up like crazy via Facebook, wanting to talk about her boyfriend issues and how she suspects him of cheating and lying about other matters in their relationship.
Knowing that if I entertain this sort of shenanigans by listening and offering cliche guidance, would be a nail in my coffin as far as managing to sleep with her [my primary and ultimate goal], I keep avoiding her and brushing off her attempts to lure me into becoming her listening ear and consoler.
Here’s a screenshot from a few days ago where she had called me tons of times through Messenger to cry about how much of a dog her boyfriend is, and how he has a secret girlfriend behind her back and she’s been texting her constantly.
My frame remained the same: too much drama for my soul and I keep avoiding her calls and texts when they pertain to talks about her situation.
That is how you handle a girl’s attempt at turn you into her emotional tampon.
You simply avoid talking about it or ignore her calls and texts flat out.
She will get the message quickly, that you aren’t for entertaining her relationship dramas.
Women will often test you to see whether you will listen to her boyfriend issues or show lack of interest.
The moment you engage her for any protracted time; you are fucking done!
Hence, it is best to flee by simply avoid talking about her drama or ignore her.
She will get the message and get her butt back in line to whatever the original script was.
With me, the script is always the same: “hooking up”.
Anything which deviates from this script will result in resistance and disinterest from me.
Talking about how much of an asshole and a dog her boyfriend is for having a secret girlfriend behind her back, will NOT help me to get any closer to hooking up with her. But doing so will actually lessen my chances, so I do NOT entertain such topics with any girl!
Now, if you’re the average guy, in regards to my advice of blowing a girl off whenever she seeks a shoulder to cry and vent on, you may be led to believe that it is a counterproductive strategy and the girl will surmise that you’re an insensitive asshole for not being there for her emotionally.
Well- actually- she won’t think you’re an insensitive asshole for not listening to her about her boyfriend drama.
She’ll just rationalize your dismissiveness to mean you aren’t looking for that sort of entanglement: being her shoulder to cry on.
She’ll simply test the waters with some other chumps until she finds a guy who’ll willingly provide a virtual shoulder to lean on.
Not surprising: the vast majority of guys will provide a shoulder for her to bawl on, so there is no shortage of shoulders in that regard.
However, those guys will not be seen as sexual items but just her emotional tampons to console her whenever the boyfriend acts out.
A guy like myself on the other hand who doesn’t entertain such drama, will retain his sex-worthiness status in the eyes of the girl.
Therefore, there’s nothing to fear in rejecting her attempts at drawing you into her relationship drama.
She will not deem you an insensitive prick! She will just tell herself, “Ok- Kenny is the type of guy who doesn’t like to discuss these sorts of issues”. And she will gladly continue to talk about things that matter…such as “getting to know each other more…over snacks and drinks”.
Look man, at the end of the day, the reason why I don’t allow women to bring their boyfriend drama my way, is because no matter how hurt they are and how much they think of their boyfriend as a cheating scum, they will continue to deal with him and put up with his so-called bad ways anyway!
Doesn’t matter how much you allow her to cry on your shoulder while urging and advising her that she should leave such a dog and that she can do better; she will NOT take your advice into account even for a split second!
Surely she will ‘verbally’ acknowledge your advice as sound and rational [‘verbally’ being the operative adverb], however, she will NOT physically move towards taking your consoling advice by ridding herself of this so-called dogish individual who’s causing her so much emotional pain.
Thus, at the end of the day, you will undoubtedly feel used and cheated, particularly if you had romantic interest in this girl.
A huge part of why she won’t take your advice is because women themselves are fucking drawn to drama like a drugee to getting high!
Drama ‘IS’ their frikkin’ high!
You providing sound and rational advice is like trying to rain on their parade and crash their party with a Debbie Downer attitude.
Becoming a consoling spirit to women in relationship distress by giving them sound-relationship advice, is akin to a parent scolding his or her child for staying out past curfew, when he or she was having massive fun and lost track of time.
Your advice will be listened to. But quickly filtered through 1 ear and flushed out the other.
It isn’t that chicks are so adverse from taking heed and taking good advice. It is that they innately love the drama and emotional turmoil that a man can put them through!
Hence, it is a gross waste of time to advise a girl that she should dump her cheating or beating boyfriend.
She will NOT take heed!
She coming to you about her boyfriend issues isn’t to seek resolution nor to seek good and sound advice from you!
It is just to fucking vent and blow some steam off!
The more you listen to her, and the more you encourage her to “do the right thing”, the deeper you will have inadvertently dug your grave as to your chances of getting with this girl on an intimate level.
The friendzone will be your only destination!
“How you like dem apples”?
On that note, that is why I NEVER EVER encourage a girl to leave her boyfriend.
I never advise her to get someone better!
I also never console her, and never (re)assure her that it will all be okay.
Many years ago, I coined a saying to which I adhere:
“You cannot counsel your way into a girl’s vagina”
Another HUGE mistakes (and there are many) guys make when trying to get laid, is to come off as a big-brother figure, or father figure, to the women whom they’re trying to shag.
Do women fuck their big brothers and dads?
Sure they are rare incestual exceptions. But NO! For the most part; women are NOT fucking their older brothers and dad.
Thus, for you to come off as though you’re her big brother offering some relationship and love-life advice, will land your ass in the friendzone FAST!
You cannot friend your way into a girl’s panties!
Likewise, you cannot counsel and console your way into her panties neither.
This isn’t some goddamn rom-com sitcom guys, where girl runs to guy, guy consoles her and urges her to leave her asshole boyfriend and she complies, and they begin to have an illustrious relationship, with the guy who provided a shoulder for her to cry on, being her new beau, and they both ride off into the sunset!
It doesn’t work that way outside of Hollywood…like in the real world!
In the “real world”, women don’t reward men for being sappy, chummy, emotional and consoling.
They actually punish men for being at their beck and call, and for lending a shoulder to lean on.
Here is a perfect scenario of how the average Jane would operate in such a situation.
Average Jane’s boyfriend has been treating her like trash over the past week, and is suspected of seeing some another girl.
Jane Doe then reaches out to you since you’ve been talking to her over the past 2-3 weeks, trying to secure a date with her.
Jane Doe then proceeds to pour her heart and anger out there about her situation.
You take the bait and engage her, providing solace, being a big-brother figure, looking out for her best interest, reaffirming to her that she can do better, and there are other guys out there who will cherish her (i.e. You).
Furthermore, you join her in boyfriend bashing, telling her how big of a scumbag her boyfriend is for disrespecting her like that, etc, etc, etc.
Jane Doe goes further to say that she is DONE- FINITO- with his trifling ass, and she wants nothing further to do with her lying, disrespecting and potential cheating boyfriend!
You agree with her sentiments and encourage her to do as she says: “Dump him and move on”!
Moreover, she goes further to say that she will block his ass on Facebook, delete his # and erase him from her life!
You encourage her!
As the guy who’s advising and consoling her, you now sense that your chance of finally getting with her is neigh!
Two days later; you hear no further vent and rant from her.
As the days go by, you then come to realize that she is still seeing this guy- her boyfriend- whom she vowed never to see again!
Feeling as though she’d put her foot in her mouth, and now looks like a grand hypocrite and even a liar, she cannot stand to face you (even if this is through the internet), so she avoids you.
That is the vast and likely scenario of how things will unfold whenever you play the consoling role to women!
She will disregard all that she’d said to you. She will also disregard your advice in agreement with hers. And she will continue to hook up with her “awful” boyfriend, remain in the relationship, then run back to you for solace once things hit the fan again and she needs a shoulder to cry on…again!
Where does this leave you as the guy on the outside awaiting his opportunity?
In a limbo!
On that note: that is why you should remain vigilant and reject any girl’s attempt to try to spill her guts out to you as far as her relationship and boyfriend issues go.
You’ll just be used for convenience, and feel used in the end when she runs back to him and you’re left with your dick in your hands (proverbially)!