How Soon Should You Contact A Girl Who’s Accepted Your Facebook-Friend Request

Being preoccupied with “How long should I wait before calling a girl” is sort of outdated.

How long you should wait depends on the vibe, the type of girl and other variables such as availability.

For instance, if you’re visiting Vegas for a weekend of fun and happen to get a girl’s phone number, and she’s only there for 2 days, it’d be quite frikkin’ stupid on your part [the guy’s] to wait 4 days to contact her.

By that time; she would’ve been gone! So in such a case with such a girl, it’d be expedient and wise to contact her right away in order to set something up.

Waiting is not an option!

That is a perfect example where you as the guy must execute social intelligence opposed to relying on a communication rule.

Now if this happens to be a chick from your town or city, there’s no real need to contact her right away in order to seal the deal since you’ll always be able to do that at a later date.

All in all, the question of “when” you should contact a new girl for the 1st. time depends.

It could be 5 minutes later, 5 hours later or 5 days later. Neither is wrong; neither is set-in-stone correct, but all subjective.

When it comes to Facebook messaging a girl who had just accepted your friend request, here again, you must take other factors into consideration.

However, as a rule, this is what you should do regardless of the girl and the situation: Send her a little text right away as a primer for what to come later [later meaning days later].

You are NOT thanking her for accepting your friend request!

I repeat: Do NOT fucking send her a message thanking her for accepting your friend request!

It is cheesy and makes you come off as a low-valued guy [DLV: Demonstration of Low Value].

Most men do this, which unfortunately puts the girl on a pedestal. I can get away with thanking a girl for accepting my friend request, but that’s due to external factors which will have already put me in a position of power [the way I structure my profile]. You as the average Joe with a mediocre-standardized profile, who isn’t keen on seducing girls online, should avoid thanking girls at all cost ’cause you’ll only fuck your chances.

What you should do, just as I often do, is send a text such as the following [this is after she accepts your friend request]:

Me: “Hey Gina, seem like a cool girl. We’ll catch up when the time permits”.

Me: “Hey Karen, welcome to my world. We’ll chat later”.

Me: “Just saying hi until next time”.

A message such as 1 of the 3 templates above, I would send the girl right away or at least the same day.

The underlying purpose is just to prep her psychologically.

It also demonstrates that you’re not over eager or desperate to chat away with her, hence the “we’ll talk later” vibe.

She’ll usually respond right away.

If she doesn’t respond at all: no big deal. You weren’t expecting a reply anyway.

Now what I usually do from there is to comment on something she posts, perhaps a day or 2 later [a photo or status].

This again also shows that you aren’t desperate to chat with her, neither to hold some extensive dialogue about how elated you are that she added you.

Ok, so about a week later of commenting back and forth a bit on her status or photo (or yours), she will have gotten a feel for your vibe and be able to gauge your humor or lack there of. At that point- you can shoot her an inbox message or chat text. Don’t be surprised if she takes the initiative to message you first [there’s a 40% chance of this happening].

From there, you proceed with standardized text-game.

Presuming you suck major ass at texting girls- check out this article from my buddy, The Introverted Playboy: IP’s text game strategy.

To backtrack a bit: your initial message is NOT to spark dialogue but just to say hi and position yourself on her radar in a non-needy way.

Refrain from the temptation of wanting to all-out converse right after she accepts your friend request.

Assuming that they are guys reading this article saying to themselves:

“WTF! I never knew you had to wait!? Why rules? Why not just contact her right away and put it all on the line and have a great conversation”!?

Sounds great! But it’s better to be wise and strategic than to operate from a position of desperation and over excitement.

Usually, when you’re too excited and eager to talk to a new girl, this vibe will be projected onto the girl (telepathically) but with a negative effect. Instead of communicating “excitement”, your vibe will come off as “desperate”.

You can simply avoid this self-inflicted death trap by executing some restraint, common sense and social smarts.

By waiting 4 days to a week to strike up a meaningful conversation (via text), it cannot hurt your cause 1 bit. Waiting will only create a better and stronger impression of you as a guy who gets it, and of a guy who actually does something with his time than stalking chicks online.

Being seen as the desperate no-lifer is worse than being friendzoned.

At least if she puts you in the dreaded friendzone, you have a mere 1% shot of crawling out alive…and she’ll still talk to you.

However, once you’re branded as the desperate guy who stalks for conversation, she won’t reply to your messages and there isn’t a chance in hell you can redeem yourself…unless you’re a strategic maniac like I am. 😉

Before I wrap up, I just want to emphasize that contacting a girl right away is NOT the problem essentially.

It is “how” you contact her, the vibe/frame from which you contact her and your overall demeanor.

If your first/initial text comes from a disposition of “expecting” and “outcome dependent”; you are fucked!

The average guy who’s unskilled in the art of texting girls, will have sunken his own ship before leaving port. In other words; his first text would’ve been suicide!

You want to structure your initial message in a way which conveys: “I’m not expecting you to reply”.

Case in point, if you get a girl’s phone #, you can text her immediately with:

“Kenny here. Just ran over a stray cat by mistake. You are so bad-lucked”.

In Pickup, this’ what we dub “Call-back humor”.

Such a message does NOT put pressure on the girl to have to reply since you aren’t asking her anything but merely filling her in on something.

Ninety nine percent of the time; she will reply curiously with laughter and wanting to proceed chatting.

If she doesn’t reply: you weren’t expecting a reply anyway. 😉

In the grand scheme of things; it all comes down to your disposition.

Before sending a text, ask yourself this question:

“Am I sending this text message out of desperation and a need to get a reply, or am I sending this message without attachment to the outcome”?

If the answer is, “need to get a reply”; then do NOT fucking send that message!!!

Read: “Keep this in mind whenever texting a girl”.

On that note, I’ll leave you with a super-interesting video from Todd Valentino, a PUA instructor, as he elaborates on the intricate points of texting girls, when to call and how to structure meeting up with her.

11 thoughts on “How Soon Should You Contact A Girl Who’s Accepted Your Facebook-Friend Request

Add yours

  1. Thanks for the plug man. Yeah so many guys act so eager with their Facebook messages, it’s hilarious. If they just took their foot of the gas pedal a little bit, and came off a little less eager, the girls would be totally intrigued.

    You should write a post about commenting on a girl’s photos on FB. I’m friends with plenty of hot girls on FB and with every new photo of themselves, there is always their male fan club with the requisite comments of “So pretty!” “You look beautiful baby!” etc. LOL!


    1. Lol oh definitely! That would make for a great post. I did write about it before but without any screen shot examples. The absolute worse as you say is guys jumping on the commenting bandwagon whenever a hot girl posts a pic.


  2. Hi again guys, we all debated stuff on the other post about marriage. What I want to ask IP since he mentioned guys commenting on facebook photos. I find it very annoying. What do you recommend guys to do if you saying they shouldn’t comment on girls photos?

    By the way I am a female.


    1. I think they should try to engage the girl in a real way, one-on-one, instead of commenting on a photo like a “fan.”

      (BTW it’s interesting that the girls never respond to those comments, they just take them and move on… I have NEVER seen a single girl actually respond to one of those guys with a “thanks!” or anything else. Sometimes they respond to their female friend who comments like “You look so hot!” and she replies “Thanks babe!” or something. But never the guys.)

      Anyway I digress lol. Yeah, if a guy wants to get in touch with her, just send her a message on FB saying hello, and get into a normal conversation with her. Treat her like a person instead of an object to be worshiped.


  3. Another eye opener,seems like I’ve been missing classes lol
    I agree with not putting them on the a pity the way guys beat themselves up by constructing this compliments,hoping they will standout.acting like poets & shit

    Great post kenyata!


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