Back To Basics: “How To Start Conversations With Women”

It’s pretty easy to get carried away into the dark-deep oasis of dating and seduction advice while neglecting the basic framework for those who are in search of the small pieces to the grand puzzle.

I had a guy ask me the other day via Yahoo Answers:

“How do I start a conversation with this girl at college”?

Now, the question absolutely blew me the hell away :shock:…as simplistic as it was!

Reason being, I’m so used to advising guys on the advanced topics of dating and mating, that the basic stuff don’t even register anymore :(.

With that, I’ll be sharing with you the art of starting conversations with (random) women.

Proximity Is Best (For Starters)

Most guys when starting out trying to converse with women, are looking for the easiest and safest route to make this happen (socializing).

As much as I advocate doing the uncomfortable and taking the most riskiest route to success, I’ll bear in mind that most men aren’t as crazy as I am 😉 :lol:!

Alright, this is what you should do (for starters):

The nearest girl or woman to you: strike up the chat with her!

You’re probably saying to yourself: “But that’s the fucking problem; I don’t know what to say”!

I’ll address that in a second.

You’re probably also saying to yourself: “I don’t know of any stranger girl I can get close to in order to chat with”.

Just as I’d advised the guy on Yahoo Answers, that random girl could be the one seated closest to you in class and so forth.

You don’t have to physically go out of your way to get close to a woman in order to strike up a conversation.

Moments of opportunity always present themselves.

This is the case for the following situations:

* The classroom

* Cafe

* Restaurant

* Mc Donald’s

* Gym

* Work

* Supermarket

* Church

I mean, I can go on and on for weeks as to the logistical opportunities you will have had on a daily basis to converse with women who are standing/sitting right next to you.

So the stage is set, and you now know where you can meet women in order to strike up some interesting conversations.

What You Shouldn’t Say

Before I get to the good stuff [what you should say], let’s deal with what you SHOULD NOT say as a way to break the ice.

* Interview-type questions such as:

“So…how do you like the weather”?

“So…what’s your name”?

“Do you go to school in this town”?

Most men strike up conversations with such obnoxious interview-type questions which the girl has probably heard 10 times already (for the week). And frankly- she’s just not interested in hearing them again.

Sure she will answer you, but that’s just pretending to be nice instead of brushing you off like a total bitch. But she really doesn’t want to be talking to you.

You don’t want her being sociable just because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.

You want her to be social and engaged in conversation because she sees you as an interesting guy she wouldn’t mine connecting with.

Hence, asking her rapport-building questions too early on in conversation, like “Where did you grow up”, will win you no points at all but to brand you as just another boring-generic guy who doesn’t have a clue.

“What Do I Actually Say To Start A Conversation”?

The easiest approach for guys who don’t know how to start a conversation at all, is to use Situational, Observational or Opinion Openers as we’d say around here.

Observational Opener:

As implied, an Observational Opener entails striking up a conversation based on something you’d observed about the girl or about the immediate environment.

I demonstrated this [Observational Opener] in the following video where I’d struck up a conversation with a French sailor and her crew by extension.

I approached her and broke the ice about what was so engaging her on the laptop.

Check it out [mind you: I was not “in state”, meaning I wasn’t in the “state of mine” to actually talk to anyone]!

That is a perfect example of how to start a conversation with an Observation Opener.

Another pertinent example would take place in a library or bookstore setting.

If you’re cruising the health and nutritional book aisle in your local bookstore and happen to be next to a girl who’s checking out a certain book, you can strike up a conversation with her, based on the book(s) she’s browsing:

“Hey quick question. I notice you were checking out books on juicing and natural drinks. What fruits do you recommend for juicing”?

A 3rd. example of an Observational Opener:

You notice a girl on the bus, train or in line at the cafe with an iPod in her hand or perhaps an iPhone.

“Hi quick question. I notice you have an iPhone and I was planning on getting 1 but my friend Jim told me that his crashes a lot on him and freezes for minutes. You have that experience with yours”?

It’s that simple!

Remember guys, those are just template or sample openers, so depended on the situation and what you have observed; formulate an ice-breaker based on that.

If she has a Samsung Galaxy; base your Observational Opener on that.

If she’s wearing running-shoes; base your Observational Opener on that.

Opinion Opener:

The only difference between this sort of ice-breaker and an Observational one, is that you’re getting her opinion and not necessarily based on what you’d observed from her or with her.

For instance, you’re having a hard time trying to figure out what to buy your little sister for her birthday.

You can ask a girl her opinion and her suggestion on what to get her (your imaginary little sister).

So you’re at the supermarket and a hot girl is coming down the aisle or standing nearby:

You: “I need your opinion on something real quick. My sister’s birthday is coming soon and I don’t know what the hell to get her. You’re a girl. Help a guy out please! What do girls like”?

That was also an Opinion Opener.

You’re not actually looking for her true opinion but just to break the ice with something interesting and thought-provoking.

Situational Opener:

There isn’t much of a difference with this and an Observation Opener.

Only with a situational opener, it’s based on a situation which probably doesn’t include her but something around her or yourself.

Classic example of that is a fight or general confusion in a specific area.

If you arrive at a bus stop, you can pretend as though you’re a bit lost or confused by the situation of many busses. So you’d say to a girl who’s nearest to you:

“Hey, why are all these busses heading uptown when someone told me I could catch a downtown bus here”?

You’re not directly asking her about the bussing situation, but it’s sort of thinking out loud.

By doing this, the person in earshot usually will respond.

Push comes to shove: you can simply say it to her directly to get her feedback.

Another example: Girls fighting.

If there happens to be some girls quarreling in the vicinity, perhaps at a fast-food joint, and they’re arguing over service, order, change, etc. you can say to the nearest girl whom you like:

“Are all girls like this”?

“What Do I Do Or Say After I Start The Conversation With 1 Such Opener As You’d Provided”?

Alright, you start the chat by opening via 1 of the 3 ways mentioned in the previous passage.

She engages by answering you:

Me: “Hey quick question. I notice you were checking out books on juicing and natural drinks. What fruits do you recommend for juicing”?

The girl: “Oh, I like using carrots a lot but it usually clogs my juicer filter”.

Me: “Ok what about apples, do they make good juice or I’d have to use 20 apples just to get a half cup”?

The girls: “Lol, no I use apples all the time. 5 would be good”.

Me: “So is it safe to call you a juice specialist”?

The girl: “Lol that’s a first…

You get the point here, right?

Her answers, nor yours, will not follow the exact sequence verbatim, but it doesn’t really matter what her replies are: you roll with the conversational thread which you had initiated.

You play with it back and forward for a bit, pinging off of each other.

That is the art of conversing.

Now, you don’t want to spend an entire day yapping about juicing or whatever you’d said to initiate the chat.

This is where you snip and stack or routine stack as we’d say in pickup.

Talking about the same thing for too long will kill the vibe and bore the girl. So you must cut the initial topic and move on to something else.

I’ll lay out an entire sequence below:

Me: “Hey quick question. I notice you were checking out books on juicing and natural drinks. What fruits do you recommend for juicing”?

The girl: “Oh, I like using carrots a lot but it usually clogs my juicer filter”.

Me: “Ok what about apples, do they make good juice or I’d have to use 20 apples just to get a half cup”?

The girls: “Lol, no I use apples all the time. 5 would be good”.

Me: “So is it safe to call you a juice specialist”?

The girl: “Lol that’s a first…

Me: “Ok enough about juicing. So what brings a girl like you to this section. You seem to be healthy already”.

The girl: “Just trying to be healthier. I usually pig out a lot though”.

Me: “It’s funny how life goes that the ppl who really need to be health conscious aren’t. And the slim ones like us are health fanatics”.

Ok guys, the picture is very clear when it comes to how to start a conversation, how to carry it, lead it and how to prolong it.

It’s as simple as scratching your ass :lol:!

Summarized Recap

*Avoid asking her interview-type questions as your ice-breaker.

*Ask for her opinion on something via, Situational, Observational or Opinion Openers.

*Ask her a follow-up question based on the topic at hand that you’d initiated.

*After the initial ice-breaker had exhausted itself: move on to another subject.

Now if you’re looking to progress beyond just a brief on-the-fly casual-little chitchat, then read the following post of mines to learn 1 of the easiest ways to get a girl’s phone number in less than 4 minutes.

Related Content:

* Have better conversations by cutting out fillers by Socialkenny

* Attract the girl by telling interesting stories by Socialkenny

* Picking up girls at the gym (openers) by Socialkenny

* “Are your tits real” by Socialkenny

11 thoughts on “Back To Basics: “How To Start Conversations With Women”

Add yours

  1. Man you killed this one,I think what most of us suffer from is over thinking when communicating with females,
    we seems to get lost because we want to lay every thing down like a script-perfect,forgetting she’s a normal being like us.
    Just like you wrote in one of your article to control anxiety,is to turn a HB8 to HB5 in you mind to strike balance.


    1. Yea those are the fine tuning points like to get rid of anxiety to a point by playing a trick on your own mind to reduce a 10 to a 5. And over thinking is a killer too. Thinking of the perfect line, perfect girl, perfect everything.


  2. Great article, I feel that both guys and girl get nervous about talking to one another, and I personally never know what to say. Funny how the simple art of conversation can actually be so difficult and nerve wracking in real life. Striking up a conversation with a stranger, especially if you just want to make friends, always seems easier said than done.


    1. Hey DQ, you’ve been missing for ages. Welcome back.

      Yea conversing can be pretty difficult for most. I always struggled with this too throughout my life. I applaud any guy who or gal who doesn’t struggle with this.

      So, have you been posting?


        1. Yea I’ve been posting in overdrive over the past 2 weeks. My frikkin’ fingers are literally falling off.

          Anyway, I’m awaiting a post from you soon. I liked the one you did on Jersey Shore on assholes or something like that.


What's your view?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: