Why Being in a relationship kills your pick-up skills: and how to avoid it.
Let me say this from the get-go:
A relationship is NOT game!
Relationships are totally different ball game to seduction and picking up girls.
What applies in picking up chics will not apply in managing an LTR.
Relationship management is a totally different sphere than managing getting laid.
I had to learn that the hard way. And I sucked at managing my relationship since I was trying to apply the same concepts as if I was trying to seduce a stranger.
Ok, most of the insights I’ll share in this article is from my personal experiences in my LTR: so this ain’t no second-hand bullshit info’ from someone else’s LTR.
So,why does being in a relationship kills a guy’s pick-up skills?
*We men tend to settle into a pattern as the LTR progresses. That pattern consists of being lazy and passive.
“What the hell! I got the girl already so I can relax”.
We subconsciously fall into that mindset. Which is ok if you intend to be with that one girl your entire life. Or if you intend in not being a social creature again.
But if you’re as normal as any other guy: you’d want to be social and have a social life.
Before entering my LTR (2 and a half years ago), I was a rockstar at picking up women. I was a fucking savage!
Met my current GF, go through the usual ups & downs, work on shit…
Like many guys, I got into the flow of things; playing the boyfriend role as much as possible.
But I was simultaneously killing my social skills in general since I didn’t need those pick-up skills set anymore [I already succeeded in getting a girlfriend].
About a year down the line, we had a brief split-up and I wanted to re-enter the field of “game”.
I did-but to no avail.
I was like a fish out of water.
Not particularly ’cause I was so used to my relationship and my girlfriend.
But because I hadn’t gamed anyone in almost a year, my skills were fucking rusty!
Put a naked girl infront of me and I wouldn’t know what to do with her (smfh).
Most of my prior-pick up skills had vanished so whenever I tried approaching a new girl at a bar or street pick up, I totally C&B (crash and burn) in set.
This would repeat itself weeks after weeks, leaving me jaded and confused as to why the hell I wasn’t able to pull anything!
Got back with my LTR, shit went sour, split up for few weeks, and still wasn’t able to pull any new girls just to have a decent chat.
So I analyzed the situation,did some research about this, and found some interesting tips and insights as to my sticking point.
I surmised that my skills had depleted because of being in a standard relationship, subjected to social norms.
The social norms of a relationship are:
*limit on socializing (particularly with the opposite sex)
Those 3 tenents compose a standard relationship in the western world.
Fidelity and compromising are ok.
But to limit yourself on how much you socialize and with whom: that shit ultimately kills one’s social skills or pick-up skills.
Therefore, over the past 6 months, I decided to get my mojo back [at least when it comes to socializing].
I wasn’t all contrite and secretive about it neither. I did tell my LTR that I’ll be communicating more in general. And That I’ll be socializing more.
I manned the fuck up and laid some ground rules down for my relationship!
And that’s what a lot of us men need to start doing-defining what we want and what we will and will not accept in a relationship.
A lot of us get into relationships then stop doing stuff we were accostumed to- like going out: no more clubs, bars, games, hang-outs, etc.
Limits are definitely crucial, but a guy who was used to going to the bar bi-weekly shouldn’t have to give that up if he intends to have or maintain a relationship.
And it’s not the woman’s fault!
It’s not like she held a gun to your head and threatened to shoot you if you go out alone this weekend.
We men just tend to follow societal norms as we get into the swing of an LTR, so we abandon everything we knew about being social and getting girls.
If you never had any game nor social skills prior to getting a girlfriend- then this article doesn’t apply.
On the contrary, if you were like me: decent game and loved to be social, then it’s beneficial to define your relationship early and that you intend to remain social.
If she cannot accept that, then there’s no reason to continue in such a relationship which robs you of a basic freedom to be social.
So after making it clear to my LTR that I intend to be my social-self again, we agreed that that was doable.
But that only left me in a friggin’ quagmire. I had to re learn shit like how to be comfortable in social settings, and how to engage people in decent chats without stalling and seeming awkward.
So I had to re- teach myself all the shit I ever learned about being social. All the basics.
That could’ve been avoided if I’d never fell into the proverbial monotony of my relationship.
Learn from my mistakes guys.
Be wary of falling into a routine of a relationship.